


The Truth is a Matter of Circumstance

by Agent0018



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt Natasha Romanov, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie), Worried Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:35:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,758
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24039748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Agent0018/pseuds/Agent0018
Summary: One-shots of our favorite couple starting from Age of Ultron to Endgame. Other character pairings will appear as we go along. Can sometimes be AU. Prompts are very welcome! Also on Fanfiction .net
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Comments: 26
Kudos: 93





	1. Saying Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> Some of you might recognize this work since I posted this from Fanfiction .net. Because of the current pandemic, I decided to go back and work on them, and maybe add some more. I added a few changes because this work was a few years ago, so in retrospect, there are some details that I add or remove.
> 
> I'll also be posting an announcement on my Fanfiction account so you guys would know that I'm the real author and not someone who plagiarizes others' work. Happy reading!
> 
> Prompts are very welcome!

**Saying Goodbye**

**Steve**

The original Avengers team has disbanded.

Iron Man retiring, Hawkeye spending his time with his family, Thor going off to Asgard, and Bruce nowhere to be found. Steve felt thrown out in the wind with everything that happened.

One moment it was all of _them,_ fighting as one, as a team, taking down rogue HYDRA cells and celebrating together. Next thing he knows, it was all over. With this team, relationships were formed - the camaraderie reminding him of the Howling Commandos during the war, but infinitely more amusing and snarky.

Steve supposed he should be used to change, after all, it was him who was catapulted into another time and age. He won't say it out loud, not even under pain of torture, but he loved this team. It was what grounded him after spending 70 years frozen. The dynamics of being a leader and being in action helped distract him from moving on, but as the Wanda inadvertently pointed out to him through the visions she gave him, _moving on cannot be put off indefinitely_.

Letting go of Peggy forever and moving on is one of the hardest things he had done bar one.

It was watching Natasha be with Bruce.

* * *

When Fury first assigned the Black Widow as his partner, he was apprehensive. Sure, he had worked with her, seen her "catch" a ride by jumping off his shield and onto a flying Chitauri vehicle, seen her kick-ass with her guns and deadly Widow bites. He respects her as an agent, but does he trust her? No, that was another matter.

Another matter that was resolved when SHIELD fell down, and everything that he has started to believe since he defrosted turned out to be a lie. He wondered then if _she_ was also a lie.

He didn't count on the fact that she was also betrayed.

He has read her files, of course, and the most logical assumption to this matter was to assume Black Widow is a HYDRA operative. After all, lies were her thing.

So he was surprised to see that she, _Black Widow_ , entrusted herself wholly to SHIELD's interest. Remembering their own conversation in Sam's house, he understood her.

_Him: You okay?  
Her: Yeah.  
Him: What's going on?  
Her: When I first joined SHIELD, I thought it was going straight. But I guess I just traded in the KGB for HYDRA. I thought I knew whose lies I was telling, but...I guess I can't tell the difference anymore.  
Him: There's a chance you might be in the wrong business.  
[She smiles faintly]  
Her: I owe you.  
Him: It's okay.  
Her: If it was the other way around, and it was down to me to save your life, and you be honest with me, would you trust me to do it?  
Him: I would now. And I'm always honest._

It was entirely difficult to live a lie of deceit and then have the one thing you trusted lie to you. So they made a pact. Honesty. Steve might never know how much it cost Nat to promise it so, but he sure as hell treasures it. Their defenses were down, and it was at that moment that Steve saw the real Nat.

Not the Natasha that the Red Room made, not the Natasha that SHIELD has employed. This was the Natasha that craved a semblance of normalcy and trustworthiness that touched Steve's heart.

The moment was _intimate_ , but there was nothing sexual about it. It was the same feeling when you have entirely understood something that has completely baffled you. She was exposed, raw, and it tugged at Steve's heart. He wouldn't understand until later, much later, that this was the moment the soldier fell in love with the spy.

* * *

After assembling together for the second time to clean out HYDRA, he found out that a lot has changed in the year they didn't see each other. She left to find another cover, but she returned laid-back and dare he say it, _fun._

She's also flirting.

Not that he has anything against Natasha flirting because God knows he had his fair share of it (and secretly he loves it when she's flirting with _him_ ), but it was unsettling to see her doing so with Bruce. The good doctor was flustered with her advances ( _tell me about it)_ but Steve could see that Bruce was interested in her as well.

So, because he was such a good friend - and because Captain America has a thing about self-sacrifice - Steve told Bruce not to wait. " _Take it from someone who waited too long,"_ Steve told Bruce.

If he felt a twinge of pain over that he simply ignored it and filed it away to a box neatly labeled "Natasha Romanoff" inside his mind.

* * *

They were in Clint's safe house.

With Clint's wife and children.

Steve was a little shell-shocked to learn that not only does Hawkeye have a wife, he also has _children._ They all were.

He was even more flabbergasted to watch the children call her "Auntie Nat". _Well, that answers the question where Nat goes every second Saturdays of the month. Not that he's jealous or anything, but Natasha has been spending her Saturdays with him. He just wondered where she went during those days._

Nat ( _when did he start calling her Nat? Only Clint could get away with calling her nicknames, but for some reason, whenever Steve calls her the truncated version of her name, she doesn't mind. Or attempt to get his head off.)_ bent down to hug the little girl, and immediately, Steve was hit with an image of a little girl with red hair and blue eyes. Maybe the same smile as Natasha. 

Steve froze, the implications running through his mind with surprising alacrity. Coming out of the ice, he has always felt as if he was in limbo, one foot in the past, and the other in this strange new world. Only when he was fighting and commanding, or during the quiet moments where Natasha is teaching him about the _present_ did he feel grounded. A semblance of normalcy.

Needless to say, most of the time, dreams of a white picket fence and children is something that only pre-serum Steve actively cared about.

Until this moment. 

Steve was hit with such a powerful wave of _want_ \- of wanting something for himself. Wanting the whole American dream, but with only one specific woman. Only with _her._

Nat turned and Steve watched as he smiled at Bruce, the latter who only awkwardly returned Natasha's blinding smiles. 

That sobered him up pretty quickly _(she's not yours),_ and he went outside to get some fresh air.

* * *

"I'm always picking up after you boys?" Natasha's dry voice sounded out in his ear. Relief flooded his system every time he hear her voice, whole and not in pain.

He did not want to admit it but Ultron was getting the upper hand, especially since he dropped his shield. Right hooks and roundhouse kicks aren't really good weapons for a maniacal, seven-foot-tall metallic robot. When Nat tossed his shield back to him, he wanted to turn and reassure himself that she was _okay_ but Ultron apparently doesn't want his attention divided.

After that, Steve lost track of her until Clint asked him if he had spotted Natasha. Steve felt a sense of foreboding and panic, but Captain America took over and he commanded Clint to secure the synthetic body of Ultron first before going after Romanoff.

Steve paid for that decision. Nat was taken by Ultron, but he could only console himself that at least the synthetic body was not with Ultron anymore. He knew that Natasha knew that what he did was the _right_ decision.

But still, he didn't like the fact that Natasha was in Ultron's hands. She would probably kick him in the balls if she ever learns of this but Steve wants Natasha out of danger and stays safe. Irrational, he knew. _She_ is the Black Widow. If there is anyone who could take care of herself it was Natasha.

The fear remained in his mind.

* * *

She was staring off into space.

She seems to do that a lot since they managed to somehow defeat Ultron. He knew that it was because of the horrors of her past that Wanda revived for her. Most probably because of Bruce's disappearance. Seeing the two together, he forced himself to be happy for them, but he just couldn't.

Steve knew that they both deserve happiness, hell, all of them does but even if he tried, there is still that small voice that whispered ' _mine',_ every time he looks at those green eyes.

He took a moment to study her. She was very still, but there was a certain anxious aura about her that makes her seem as if she is on the edge of action always. He softly called out to her, reminding her of their duties to their new team. She smiled faintly at him, but the sadness in the eyes of the girl holding his heart urged him to go do something about it.

Only he couldn't. No, it wouldn't be fair to take advantage of her when she is clearly hurting. Together, as partners, they have faced dangers that no normal man or woman had faced before so it was no wonder that their lives would not be normal too. Together, they saved the world twice and together they would start this new team of Avengers.

He would just make sure that whenever she needs him, he would always be by her side.

Regardless of what he is feeling, even if he now knew he loved her.

* * *

**Natasha**

It was time.

She'd fought against it for so long because if there is one thing that she knew, it was that she wasn't worthy.

She wasn't worthy of _him._

She thought she couldn't be with Steve. Not really. Not in the way she wanted to. She was the ultimate spy, he was the ultimate soldier. He was frustratingly and annoyingly _good_ and she was … bad, damaged.

If she could do just one good thing in her life, it was to never taint Steve with her red. Distancing herself from him is the best course of action. Steve wasn't the only tactician in this group after all. What she wants from him is something she never dares ask for. 

_Love is for children_ , she told Loki once.

How massively wrong she is.

* * *

She forced herself to hide her burgeoning feelings for Steve because that was the _right_ thing to do.

When she gave him that folder in the cemetery just as she was getting ready to go off and find other covers, she couldn't help but wonder what he would do if she asked that he go with her.

Would he say yes? Probably no. Steve and Captain America are basically one, and their morals so tied with each other it gets exasperating. She was used to shades of gray and always walking the fine line, however, she knew that Steve was the black-and-white type of guy. She could never ask him to do this for her.

And so she left. Turning away from him was hard.

And, she dryly notes, she was a queen of understating things.

* * *

A year later when the call for "assemble" drew them together, she realized that she never did say goodbye to Steve.

She never said goodbye to the idea of Steve, because the moment she saw him again, all those months faded away.

She was glad to be here, to be among the mightiest heroes. Most of all, she was glad Steve was here.

And then there was Bruce.

The monster-hiding-behind-that-gentle-face thing she totally understands. After all, she has her own monster, only it doesn't turn green and it only visits at night. She sympathizes with the doctor, even finding him a kindred spirit.

If she couldn't touch Steve's pedestal, then maybe Banner's would be more approachable. She inwardly snorted at that fact, first because Banner didn't consciously want to be the Hulk and spread immense damage, and second because _she_ consciously chose whatever she has done.

She didn't deserve anyone, but she guesses it was a matter of choosing between the proverbial rock and a hard place.

She batted her eyes, she smiled, and she flirted.

_Hook, line, sinker._

It all fell into place. Maybe she should feel bad because Bruce was her teammate, but she didn't. Curiously, she found herself being drawn deeper to Bruce, but it wasn't in the way she supposed it would be. It was a familiarity of monsters and dark things, the way she understands that they gravitate towards one another. It's hard being called a _superhero_ when she herself doesn't feel like one. And Bruce knows. Bruce commiserates. Bruce understands the feeling of not wanting to spread her _evil_ , of trying to atone for what she had done. 

Steve can't. 

A part of her heart - that small, insistent, annoyingly pining part - keeps pointing out that for all that Steve is _good_ , he of all people CAN understand her too. Steve _could,_ if she let herself believe. But Steve isn't the only one on the team with unhealthy self-sacrificial tendencies.

She wouldn't deny that she cares for Bruce. Maybe she could even love him. If only her heart wasn't occupied by a certain blonde soldier with piercing blue eyes. As it is, Natasha is genuinely upset that Bruce decided to go away.

* * *

Coming back to the present, she raises her cup to her lips.

After all that went down with Ultron and his genocidal attempt, she hasn't drank any coffee nor has she got any time to unwind. She stares at the Rockies from her balcony, breathing in the fresh air. It was peaceful here, serene. To think that this would become nothing but a burning inferno if Ultron had gotten his nefarious way. They did it again. Saved the world. Her, Hawkeye, Thor, Hulk, Iron Man, Captain America … _Steve._

 _I should just go tell him._ She debates with herself. _Carrying on like this is exhausting. He at the very least deserves to know how I –_ the buzzer sounded.

Immediately reaching for her gun, she points it at the door.

_Nobody knows this safehouse. This is off the books!_

"Natasha? Are you here?" a familiar and welcome voice called out.

"Steve?" Natasha threw open the door. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to see you. You just disappeared for days after the … after the … well, after it."

"I needed some time alone."

Steve blushed faintly but he kept his expression straight.

"I know, I just needed to know you are okay. I needed to… needed to see for myself."

Natasha stared at his baby blue eyes, seeing the unspoken words there. She only hopes that he could see her unspoken words, too.

"Come in. It's cold outside," Natasha stepped aside to let him in.

Steve looked around the small cabin. There was a homey feel to it, something one would truly appreciate after experiencing something bad. No wonder Nat went here.

"Coffee?" Natasha asked him, going to the small kitchen with a steaming pot of coffee on the counter.

"Sure. I could use one," Steve smiled at her reaching for the cup Natasha poured for him. He sat on one of the barstools on the counter. "Didn't exactly take you for a coffee person."

"Well, staying up late to finish all that paperwork for SHIELD demanded coffee," Nat smirked, "I guess I finally understood why you Americans are addicted to it. In Russia, we just use vodka."

Steve laughed, a sound Natasha always loved.

 _"_ In Russia, you use vodka for everything," Steve countered back, smiling.

"Damn right," Natasha agreed. They fell into a companionable silence, both just staring out the window. There was something peaceful about looking at the gentle snowfall and having a warm drink in hand, but Natasha secretly knows that everything peaceful is because this man is beside her right now.

"Do you ever think that we should just stop doing this?" Steve blurted out of the blue.

"Do-Doing what?" Natasha turned to look at him, not really understanding what he's referring to but at the same time knowing _exactly_ what this is about.

Steve looked positively nervous, but a look of determination - one that Natasha intimately knew from observing him - crossed his face

"This, pretending we don't want each other." Steve managed to say with a straight face even though his heart was trying to beat out of his ribcage.

"I don't understand what-"

"Oh, I think you understand plainly, Nat. This. _Us._ "

Steve was silent for a full minute. Natasha spent that full minute debating whether to kick or congratulate herself.

He spoke so softly that Natasha almost didn't catch it.

"I never meant to come between you and him."

Then it hit her. It wasn't only her that was running. Steve was running, too. Whether it was from his past or his misguided attempts to be the bigger person, he was running. 

Natasha started to say something but Steve cut her off.

"I never fully realized until Wanda attacked us. Seeing you with Clint's daughter Lila put things in perspective for me," Steve softly smiled, "but by then it was too late. Bruce was there for you in a way I think you never let me be."

Steve stood up and walked towards her and leaned on her side of the counter, close enough that Nat can almost feel him, but enough that Steve knew she won't run. After everything, Steve knew Natasha. 

"I tried so hard to be happy for you. In fact, I am, but I can't help but feel that you are far more grounded with Bruce than you can ever be with me," Steve crossed his arms on his chest, "However, it doesn't change the fact though that I have loved you for so long and I only realized it too late. It seems that I'm always cursed with being _too late,"_ He said, all the while trying not to stare at her, but failing.

"Peggy always told me that I should look for the right partner, and when I found her, either I was plunging a plane in the sea or I was standing back because I'm not what she needs," Steve shook his head, "Not that you were interchangeable, just that I am always too late."

Natasha was rooted to the ground. She couldn't move even if she tried. Here was everything she wanted, and yet everything is falling apart. 

The silence dragged on, but this time it was not comfortable.

Eventually, Steve cleared his throat, "I shouldn't stay long. I just had to see you. I'll be going now. See you in practice? Not that you have to rush back to HQ, you need to enjoy your time off here", he smiled and he pressed a kiss to Nat's forehead.

"Take your time, Nat. God knows you need it. Thank you for the coffee," Steve told her, and with one last look, he headed outside.

* * *

If there was one thing that is absolutely sure in this world, it was that Steve Rogers is _stupid._

Frustratingly, annoyingly stupid.

Stupid and brave. Brave enough to risk her wrath.

How dare he drop everything like that to her and have the audacity to immediately leave.

How dare he tell her things like that.

How dare he shake things up in this carefully constructed house of cards she made.

How. Dare. He. Love. Her.

Natasha closed her eyes and let just one tear fall. Everything she wanted seems to be in her hands but also far from that.

She lasted around four hours walking back and forth in the small cabin thinking of what she will do next. In the end, it was back to DC she went.

She called Tony to ask him if Steve went back to the compound, and Tony confirmed that Steve was indeed back at the compound and was overseeing the training of a number of agents for the next mission. It was dark when she got back to the compound. She parked her Audi convertible in the underground parking beside Tony's number of sports cars and Steve's beloved Harley. 

"JARVIS, can you tell me where Captain Rogers is right now?" Nat asked the AI. "And please walk me through a hallway not filled with agents, if any. I don't want to alert anyone to my presence."

"Of course, Miss Romanoff. Captain Rogers is inside his apartment as of the moment. He has recently finished briefing some agents on their mission. If you are looking to avoid people, may I suggest this route?" A hologram appeared in front of her, directing her to a series of hallway turns and concealed elevators up to the main Avengers' apartments. "Thank you, JARVIS," Natasha told the AI. "You're quite welcome, Miss Romanoff," JARVIS chorused back.

A few minutes later, Natasha is standing in front of his door. She raised her hands to knock, but faltered a bit.

_Come on, Romanoff. Now or never._

She rapped on the door firmly and stood back to wait for it to open.

Steve opened his doors to find Natasha standing there.

"Nat? Hey, it's late. Why are you here? I thought you were still in Aspen?"

"Can I come in?" Nat asked softly.

"Of course, you're always welcome here." Steve opened the door wider for her, and for the first time, it hit Natasha the parallels of this day. It's her turn to let Steve know.

As soon as Steve closed the door and started to lead her down to his couch, she spoke.

"You make me feel like I'm not _good_ enough," her voice, wavering.

"What?" Steve abruptly turned and asked incredulously.

"You. You are goodness incarnate, and I'm... I'm not. I'm not good enough for you - and please let me finish-" she added when it looked like Steve was about to interrupt her. "I know that I am not what the Red Room has made me to be. I have changed, but I'm still paying for all the red, the blood I shed. And I couldn't taint your _goodness_ with it. That is why I stayed away. I do not deserve you, Steve. You deserve someone less fucked up, someone who isn't me!" Natasha implored him to understand.

"Wha- Taint me? Nat what are you talking about?" Steve clarified.

"I couldn't, I just couldn't. You are what a nation looks up to, a symbol of everything _good and pure_ , I'm … I'm … not." She said forlornly, tears finally falling down her eyes, "I couldn't be with you and not stain you with _red_. I couldn't do that to you, not with how much I love you. And I do, Steve. I hid that truth in the back of my head and kept it close to my heart because I knew once I acknowledge it that I can't stop it. I would want more with you. And that is way more than I deserve. That's what you do to people whom you love, right? You'd rather they stay away from you if it makes them be-?" She couldn't finish her sentence because in that short time Steve covered the distance between them and kissed her with such passion and emotion that so that she will never confuse him with _good and pure_ ever again.

After a moment of shocked paralysis, Natasha kissed him back with equal fervor. The kiss was long, a salute to finally finding each other, and eventually it died a sweet, natural death.

Steve kept their foreheads touched.

"If you think I am letting you go because you think you don't deserve me, you got another think coming," Steve whispered, hot and low to her. "It's me who doesn't deserve a woman like you. You are not a perfect human being Natasha, and neither am I. But you are the farthest thing from a monster. You've proved that every day with the world. You saved more people than you've hurt, and every day you prove yourself to be a better person. So you of all people deserve happiness. And I'll continue reminding you that you are a good person."

Natasha's tears couldn't stop falling. She kissed him back, wet and damp, but with all the force of what she felt behind it.

She was a good person, but it didn't take Steve telling her that to make her realize it. Because Steve was right. She can't live in her past and keep beating herself over it, and not recognizing the good that she does. Maybe it won't erase her past, but she was damn tired of denying herself happiness because she once dealt pain to others. It was her turn to live and love, too.

"I guess we're just a bunch of masochists, eh?" Natasha joked, and Steve laughed that laugh she loved so much.

"Oh, Natasha" Steve whispered, blue eyes shining brightly with unshed tears, "I love you."

"I love you, Steven Grant Rogers. Only you."

Their lips met again, this time sealing the declaration of their love to their very souls.

They would face many trials, betrayals, ruined friendships, but their love would transcend everything. Even death.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve convinces Nat she's not a monster. Set in AoU during that missing scene for Cap and Nat in Barton's hayloft.
> 
> TW: graphic description of murder (very minor but still)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is independent of the first chapter and explores some themes that you might find repetitive if you have read the first chapter. The rest of the one-shots are generally different from one another, some fluffy, some angsty, etc. but it just happens the first two are quite similar. Hope you enjoy this ficlet!

Maybe it was because she knew they were as different from each other as oil and water. She was a spy, and he was a soldier. He was all lightness and righteousness, and she lived in shadows and ambiguousness.

He was all good, she was … _not_.

And maybe that was why she convinced herself that she was attracted to a monster because she knew she was one. Or at the very least, it's what she thought. Steve didn't, though. And that was the reason why she was currently hiding behind the barn in Clint's farm.

Laura was very accommodating, considering her husband just dumped a team of superpowered and deadly people on her and her children. That would never happen if she were in Laura's place, but she guesses that will never happen anyway. This kind of life is not meant for her. ( _But how she wished she might have one like it, too.)_

She missed Laura and her cooking, although she tries not to show it, Natasha has a feeling that Laura missed her too.

Laura was the one woman who tamed Clint from his wilder days. When Clint ( _in his infinite stupid ways_ ) foolishly left her because he wasn't interested in a family, it was Natasha who hunted Clint down and knocked (literally) some sense into him. She would never tell this to anyone, but aside from doing that for Laura, she also gave Clint the beating down because if she can't have a family, then _dammit_ , her best friend better not waste his chance running away from the best thing that happened to him.

If anyone could see how the archer doted on his family, someone would probably give him the father-and-husband-of-the-year-award. They wouldn't believe that the same person left Laura high and dry when he found out she was pregnant. Thank God that Laura has the biggest heart (except for one) Natasha knew and took back Clint when he came back groveling within an inch of his life, bloody and sporting a black eye (Natasha was proudly responsible for that last bit). After that rough patch, the Barton family (after a shotgun wedding) became the poster child for every American dream.

_Family._

It is only a dream.

A dream she dreams in the darkest of nights when she is alone, and no one can take it away from her. It was funny how you didn't know how much you wanted something until it's no longer within your reach. In truth, Natasha didn't dwell on the fact that she was barren. It was pushed to the farthest reaches of her mind, especially when she had to deal with the Avengers, saving the world, and putting up with Tony Stark's bullshit every day. But when the girl in red, _Wanda,_ worked her magic on them and crushed the walls Natasha built around those memories, it hit her. Hard.

Which is why, again, she couldn't burden Steve with herself. Steve wanted a family, that much she knew, and it was the one thing she couldn't give him. And Steve's already lost so much, Natasha doesn't want to add herself into the mix.

_But don't you deserve to have something too?_

She scoffed at the tiny voice in the back of her head. She has done a lot of things that would make her unfit to be a mother or a wife.

What kind of child would want Natasha to be their mother when she has inadvertently caused the deaths of children and even orphaned a lot more? What kind of man would want to have Natasha as his wife when she couldn't be trusted to tell the truth? That's what relationships are at its very core, right? Being honest with one another?

She was Black Widow, and she can't ever afford to do that.

But still, it didn't stop her subconscious from coming up with images of a warm fireplace, a hug from someone behind her, and the laughter of children. A two-story house with a white picket fence and a yellow Labrador who they'll call "Bailey."

Her children can run as far as they can and laugh as loud as they want, and she and her husband would sit back in their porch watching over them, together. And when evening came, she would slave away in the kitchen, trying to cook a decent meal ( _she doesn't even know how to cook)_ and finally giving up while her husband was laughing with her at her burnt meal. He would then gently take over the dinner preparations while she pretended to be irate but secretly pleased (and a bit turned on, to be honest) to see him in an apron and providing for her and their children. His blond hair would be mussed, and his blue eyes would be bright, and they would tell each other with stories about their day.

So immersed was she in this silent reverie of hers that she almost didn't notice the doors of the barn opening slightly. She quietly berated herself for not paying any attention to her surroundings when armies of robots were currently out on the hunt for them. However, before she turned to address the intruder, she managed to identify the solid but soft footfalls.

"I meant what I said earlier," the deep rich voice which sounded so strong and so commanding and the battlefield yet sounded entirely reassuring this time echoed in the spacious room. "You are not a _monster_ , Natasha. You are the farthest thing from that."

She kept quiet.

Hearing a soft sigh, she tracked the footsteps, and it ultimately appeared in front of her. She was seated on one of the hay bales Clint stuffed last summer for Cooper and Lila to play in, but as most of his household projects go, it was unfinished.

Steve's feet stopped mere inches from her toes. She didn't immediately look up, but she found that it was not needed because it was Steve who lowered and crouched down in front of her. " _Natasha."_ She flinched at his nearness and his voice.

It was like a siren calling to her, the pull unmistakable. It promised everything she ever wanted, but ... it always came with a "but."

But she was a liar.

But she was a spy.

But she was barren.

But she was a _monster._

That was what Steve disagreed with. Her being a monster. He was passing by Bruce's room earlier when he and Natasha were having a little intense talk with each other. Steve didn't want to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help but hear how Natasha described herself. When she went out of the room, Steve made the mistake of making eye contact with her, and she saw how she hated herself. Ashamed, she went and hid in Clint's barn with the pretense that she was going to practice killing a few robots or maybe work out on her own.

However, Captain America is someone who can't take a hint. Steve is determined to pull her out of whatever funk she was in.

"I've seen monsters. You aren't that, Romanoff. It's maybe what you see for yourself, but what the team sees, what _I_ see, is a woman who has sacrificed a lot and saved countless lives. So don't ever make yourself think for one moment that you are a monster. You, Black Widow, are a hero. Whether you like it or not." Steve said, looking at her eyes or the very least trying to because Nat still hasn't looked at him, but when he said that he thought she was a hero, her head snapped back, and her eyes were glazed with something equal to fear and disbelief.

"A hero? Have you even read the files on me, Rogers? Huh? SHIELD's file on me was lacking compared to what I have done to all of my marks. The quintessential Black Widow. Tempting yet deadly," she scoffed at him.

"That was what all I ever was. Men, women, and even children weren't exempted from my orders. Do you know how easy it is to drive a knife between the fourth and the fifth rib of a five-year-old sleeping girl? Because I do. After I have shot point-blank her mother and father, that is. Then, after all that, I burned them down." Natasha said with a haunted note in her voice.

Steve was silent for a moment. Most likely because he didn't anticipate what she has just said, but to her surprise, Steve gently drew her hands to his face and kissed them, one for each hand.

"You are not who the Red Room made you, Natasha. You're so much more," try as she might, she couldn't look away from the intensity coming from Steve. "You have goodness inside you, even if evil has done it's best to cover and infect it. And I can see that. So there is nothing on this God's green earth that is going to convince me otherwise. You are you, and for me," Steve cleared his throat, " _you are a hero_."

Natasha couldn't hold back the tears that leaked. She let them, falling onto the hay-covered dirt floor.

They were silent for a while, one lost in what was just said to her, and the other aching to make things better.

"I'll be here for you, Nat. Until the end of the line," Steve said gently, and he too rose and started to leave.

However, it was Natasha this time who caught his hand. She gripped it so tightly, afraid of letting the one thing that was keeping her anchored in this fucked-up world of theirs. "I was afraid," she said in a croaky voice.

Steve paused for a moment and then went back to crouching before Natasha.

"Bruce, he... He was like me. You weren't," Steve frowned at that, but he let Natasha go on. "I was... am... terrified of disappointing you. I couldn't bear the thought of you going away because I wasn't enough. And I'll never be enough. The Red Room made sure of that," towards the end of her speech, and her voice got a little harder and angrier.

"You're life was taken from you, Steve. Peggy, the Howling Commandos, and even Bucky. You could have had a chance at a normal life, and you deserve no less than that, especially with what you already endured. You are good. And you deserve someone good. Someone who could give you a family and everything you ever missed. I am not that," Natasha said with a broken voice.

"Bullshit."

The profanity surprised Natasha. Wasn't it this man who just told Tony Stark " _Language_ "? Captain America does swear.

Steve ran a hand through his blond hair, leaving it mussed, but there was an exasperated look in his eyes that made Natasha want to hear what he has to say.

"I am so tired of people thinking that I deserve better than _this_ or than _YOU_. What they don't understand is that I chose this. Every decision that has led me here has been made by me and me alone. When I chose to put the plane in the water, I was doing it with the complete knowledge that I was choosing to save the world over a possible life with Peggy, kids, the whole thing. And even as a superhero, I chose to do it willingly. I also choose not to call any of the women you recommend for me because I have already _chosen,_ Nat," Steve's face was set firmly, but his eyes were tender. "And I chose you."

Natasha was stunned. Never in her wildest dreams did she expect that Captain America might be feeling something other than solid friendship with her. Never did she dare hope that the small ember she kept back in her heart is a raging fire in Steve's.

"And I also chose to go after you tonight because I know that you wouldn't be able to get it out of your head that you are a monster. And I can't have you thinking that Natasha because you are as close to an angel than anyone I have known," he ended his tirade softly. Natasha was still staring at him. His shoulders slumped in a defeated manner.

"And I know that you are with Banner now, but I can't let you go without at least knowing how I felt about you. Shame on me, but I don't care," he said, "I won't step in and take you away from him. I know that despite you saying that both of you are monsters and you deserve each other, I know Banner would take care of you," Steve stood up, making Natasha look up at him.

"So even if it means my happiness for yours, it's fine. As long as you know that.. that.. if you were mine, I'd never let you go too." Steve felt as if his heart was about to explode, and yet Natasha was still unmoved, still staring at him.

He turned away from her and said, "Fury called a meeting. Five minutes," he said softly, then he was gone.

Natasha continued to stare at the spot where Steve had just been. She tried to comprehend the last minutes. Everything she ever wanted was within her reach. Then why did it feel so far away?

She stared at the spot. And stared some more.

Finally, when she could postpone it no longer, she headed out.

She would deal with this saving the world business first. Then she would see if her heart can be saved too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm quite interested about Laura and Natasha's sisterhood. I was just playing with a vague idea of Clint and Laura having problems and Nat kicking Clint's ass for stressing Laura. I might expound on that in later chapters, whaddya think?


	3. Five More Minutes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When Nat says "five more minutes", it probably isn't five minutes. 
> 
> Steve learns it in the most adorable way.
> 
> Explicit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to my boyfriend and his innocent and persistent belief that I will actually get up after saying "five minutes" :D
> 
> I love you, cuddle bug.

She was really, _really,_ tired.

Natasha, the Black Widow, Avenger, master assassin and spy-extraordinaire, can't keep her eyes open anymore.

The mission was simple enough. Scout the area, count the number of hostiles, set up the traps, and come back immediately to their temporary base. She'd done this a hundred times over, so often that the steps were routine and were as familiar as breathing. She gathers the files she managed to swipe while stealthily trying to get out of the dilapidated building.

_Honestly, with all the money these guys pour into weapons, you'd think they would also spend on their hideouts._

It was just a twenty-feet dash through an unsupervised spare lot and out of the barbed, thin-wires, but Natasha was winded when she managed to pass through. "I'm out," she declared to her earpiece, knowing Clint and Tony would start the second phase of their mission. She got the easiest part of it, maybe because her skillset is needed with the more delicate parts of their mission. Perhaps except for Clint and Bucky, all of them could use a lesson or two on espionage.

"We got 20 hostiles, northeastern corner. They're carrying light to medium firepower. No advanced weaponry. Managed to snag a few files from their control room, ( _or what passes for their control room_ ), but other than that, I don't think this is where they are keeping their big guns, Stark," Natasha swatted at a few cobwebs that managed to cling to her hair, "another bust. I think they're just a minor outpost. Nothing special."

There was a beat of silence before her comms responded, "That's fine, Nat. Get on the Quinjet, and we'll take a look at what you got," Steve said.

A shiver went down her spine at the sound of his voice. Earlier this morning, that same voice was coaxing her to come around his cock. Who knew Captain America has such a talent for talking dirty?

God, she can't get enough of him. Any free time that they had, it was either spent at his rooms in the new Avengers HQ or her apartment downtown. She thinks that maybe Steve has made it his personal mission to defile every available surface that they happen to be on long enough. He has come a long way since their first night together, and what he lacked for experience, he more than made up for it in his eagerness to please her. Natasha won't ever admit it out loud, but damn, that was a powerful aphrodisiac.

She started down the little hill towards the Quinjet that was parked in the open with Stark's latest cloaking technology, effectively rendering it invisible to anyone who would pass by. The only proof that there was _something_ in the small clearing is the flattened areas of grass that are directly under the Quinjet. It was very effective, even for her specially trained eyes.

Maybe it was because she was perpetually tired these days, or that she was confident that everything is over and done with, that she didn't hear the bullet whizzing until it was too late. 

She tucked and rolled, getting behind a tree and collecting herself again. _Get it together, Romanoff._ "I got a bogey, could be a sniper," she hurriedly told the rest. She looked around her for some type of shelter against potential bullets but just found grass and the occasional rock that was too small to hide behind.

“Nat, what happened?” Steve’s voice crackled at her earpiece.

“I’m pinned,” _and not the good kind of pinned,_ “there’s no cover from my point to the Quinjet. Damn it, Stark, could you take them out?”

“Don’t move Red, I’ll deal with them!” Tony answered her.

A whoosh of red and gold streaked by the other end of the clearing and towards the old building she just came from. She could hear the shouts and some ineffective gunfire, but she was still pinned. She felt the world around her go fuzzy and mute, almost as if beckoning her to rest against the dry tree trunk.

“-come on. Nat?” This time, it was Clint that was calling her. “Tony’s distracting the guards. Can you try to dash your way here?”

Natasha stood up – _whoa –_ and secured the files in her arms. “I’m coming in,” she told Clint, but she had not taken a few steps before another barrage of bullets almost clipped her in the leg.

She made to turn back to the tree, but strong arms circled her torso and lifted her up. The sound of bullets striking Steve shield rang out, but it was more subdued with the vibranium absorbing the shockwaves. “Need help?” Steve asked her.

“I have this, thank you very much,” she gritted under her breath.

“Sure you do,” Steve’s humored her.

_You’re such a little shit, Rogers._

The bullets stopped for a moment, and the break was more than enough. Together, they sprinted back to the Quinjet and got up to the ramp with no problems.

“Stark, they’re here. Fall back,” Clint said.

“Falling back,” Ironman parroted back.

* * *

“Are you okay, Tash? You look a little breathless,” Steve asked her, kneeling under her. “Hey, look at me,” he took her chin and lifted her face up. Blue eyes the color of the ocean filled her gaze.

“I’m fine, just tired,” Nat managed a small smile at him, “and you really should step back because you know Tony would give you hell if he finally discovers you’re dating me. Can hear his voice teasing you to the 1940s and back now.”

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, well, I think he’d be terrified of you to tease me all that much. ‘Sides, you won’t let him make fun of me, right?”

“Oh, no. In this case, Tony and I agree,” she sat down the bench on the side of the Quinjet.

“Traitor,” Steve kissed her forehead before strapping himself beside Natasha. Just then, Ironman’s repulsors came into view.

“I could’ve just picked Red up, y’know. Rather than sending me to be shot at,” Tony jokingly told Steve.

“Well, where’s the fun in that,” Natasha smiled at Tony, “Thanks, though.”

“Anything for you, Red,” Tony quipped and went to the cockpit to start the Quinjet with Clint.

Natasha yawned. Her eyelids were drooping, and all she could think about is her bed back at the compound, after a looong hot shower, and maybe a certain supersoldier joining in –

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Steve’s voice permeated her foggy thoughts.

“Yeah, no problem. Just tired. I might doze off, just for five minutes,” she murmured.

A clink of a seatbelt and some shuffling later, she found herself prone with her head on Steve’s lap. “Sleep, Nat. I’ll be here when you wake up,” Steve told her gently, brushing her hair away from her face. “Sappy, Rogers,” she mumbled, “Just five minutes.”

“Okay, just five minutes,” Steve agreed, but when he looked down, Nat was already out like a light.

* * *

The Quinjet landed on the tarmac in the new Avengers HQ, but Natasha still hasn’t woken up on her own yet. Steve didn’t bother to wake her up after “five minutes” because when five minutes came and went, she was still _snoring._

Clint and Tony both giggled, hearing Natasha snore, which was a little mean. Usually, Steve would admonish them for that, but it was truly adorable. It wasn’t the first time he heard Nat snore, but whenever she did, it was usually a sign that she was utterly exhausted. He warned them using his Captain America voice that they should never tell Natasha they knew she was snoring.

The first time he heard Nat snore, it had been after a particularly grueling mission in Kandahar. They had to chase and confront arms dealers intent on creating their own version of Ultron ( _Gosh, people really don’t learn_ ).

Of course, as they suspected, HYDRA was behind the funding and the acquisition of resources. Clint and Sam had accompanied them, but they splintered off to confuse their followers. As they spent the night in a small, ramshackle house that Natasha broke into, Natasha slept so deeply that she snores. Steve took the first watch, so he heard it. It was a completely adorable sound, and he thinks (correctly) that Natasha might kill him if he ever brought it up.

Coming back to the present, Steve gently nudged her awake. “Nat, we’re here,” he said. “We just landed at HQ.” Clint and Tony deplaned immediately, with the latter babbling on about some experimental arrows that he developed and is now _ready_ for testing.

“Five more minutes, please.” Nat groggily answered him.

“Do you want me to carry you to your room?” Steve asked her. He knew she would typically don’t like that, but looking at her now, she looked like she might fall over. And she was still lying down.

Hearing that, Natasha slowly blinked awake and slowly sat-up. She yawned rather impressively, and Steve tried to recall whatever that was keeping her up and tired. Aside from the usual training they usually do, there wasn’t a deviation in physical activity that they were doing. Well, recently, they might have been a tad more _engaged_ in bedroom activities, but that couldn’t be it, right?

“I want five more minutes,” she grumpily told Steve. He smiled at her, completely enraptured with this grumpy being in front of him. “You can have your five minutes of rest in a proper bed, how does that sound?" he gently took her arm and lifted her so she can lean on his frame.

“Tiring. Can I sleep in your arms?”

“Darling, you’ve always been sleeping in my arms,” Steve kissed her hair. “But, we need a shower first to get rid of all the cobwebs and dirt in your hair.”

A weak swat hit his chest. “You’re mean, Rogers. You don’t say things like that if you want to get laid,” Natasha told him. As they were walking across the tarmac, the cold night air seemed to invigorate her. “You also need a shower, lover-boy. Maybe we can do our part and save some water, shower together?” Her eyebrows waggled teasingly at him.

Steve threw his head back and laughed. “Hmmm, my virtue is never safe whenever I’m around you, Romanoff,” he curled his arms around her, “but I like it,” and gave her a long, passionate kiss.

The moment Steve’s lips were on hers, it was like a jolt of electricity coursing through her. Her earlier lethargy instantaneously disappeared and replaced with a burning ache that only Steve could fulfill. She curled her fingers in Steve’s hair and pressed insistently against him. He hissed at the sensation and pulled back. “Yours or mine?” he rasped.

“Hmmm, yours. But we need that shower first.”

* * *

The next morning, Steve woke up and stretched like a cat. Last night had been fantastic, more so than the others. His eyes traced Natasha’s sleeping face, marveling at the way the light and shadows played on her skin.

“Nat? Wanna go on a morning run with me?” Steve asked. Nat usually accompanies him when he goes running, and he thinks today is no exception.

“Five minutes,” a grumbled voice sounded out. “Okay,” Steve looked at her a moment and reached for his sketchpad beside the bed. He started sketching out Nat’s silhouette, inspired by the soft pre-dawn light and her. Around five minutes later, he tried waking her up again. “Nat? Wanna get up now?”

“Five minutes,” Nat mumbled and promptly went back to sleep.

 _Well, that’s a no on the running_ , Steve smiled. Hiking up the blanket and tucking her in, he leaned down and kissed her forehead. Steve got up and changed into his running clothes.

His phone chimed, ” _Mornin’ Capsicle. Wanna go a few rounds with the new and improved Avenger-inator?”_

_“Really, Tony? Even I’m cringing with that name. Sure. How does 10 am sound?”_

_“Hey, I built it; therefore, I can call it what I want. Sure, see ya, Cap. I’ll make sure to accidentally set it to the highest setting when it’s your turn.”_

Steve smiled at that and put his phone in his pocket.

“Steve?” Nat’s groggy voice called out. “I don’t like it when I wake up, and you’re not beside me, soldier.”

Steve went around the bed and crouched on her side, “I woke you up twice, but you asked for “five minutes.” Also, you looked too peaceful to wake up. Besides, it’s still really early, and you can sleep in today,” he smiled at her, “I was thinking maybe that we can practice with Tony’s new simulator later? Would you like that, babe? He told me there’s a new obstacle run and sim weapons in the new version set to kick my ass.”

“Mmm’kay. Can you bring back those donuts from that small diner down the Hudson? I think it was Jojo’s?” Nat asked, “and some coffee, please.”

“Donuts are not breakfast food, Nat. You should have something more filling than that,” Steve chided her gently.

“Well, my breakfast got up unceremoniously early, so I’m settling for donuts,” Nat retorted, watching as a healthy blush crept up Steve’s neck. It still amazes her how easy she could make Steve blush even after all these months. Nat makes it a point to make him go red once or twice a day. It’s practice, she tells him.

“Hey, now, you’ve had me several times last night,” Steve said.

“Why can’t I have you again in this bed?” Natasha pouted. Honest to goodness pouted. If he wasn’t in love already with this woman, he might just be now.

“Because we are definitely going to miss Tony and his awfully named simulator if I give in, and you know how he will nag me on that. It’s just a few hours, and you’ll have me all to yourself for the rest of the day,” Steve softly brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. “And I’m bringing back hot donuts for you,” he bribed, “remember?”

Natasha’s eyes went soft. “Fine, but only because of the donuts. Now get out of here. I’m getting back to dreamland.”

“See you in a minute,” Steve said and headed out of the door.

* * *

The sun wasn’t entirely out yet, but he could see that the HQ was slowly waking up.

“Hey man,” Sam called out to him, “You going for a run?”

“Yeah, wanna come?” Steve asked. “Though you have to keep up with an old man if you do.”

“Har har, Rogers. And no, thank you, I’m saving my energy for the sim later. That not do it for you?” Sam raised a brow.

“I just like running before the city wakes up y’know. Peaceful and all that. ‘Sides, Nat asked me to bring back some donuts, so I guess this is also a supply run,” he sheepishly answered.

Together, they walked to the big hangar doors. “You know, man, I’m happy for you two. You deserved a win,” Sam said, “and she makes you definitely happy. I can see that. Have you told her you loved her?”

Steve paused. “Not yet. I don’t want to spook her. I think she already knows, but out of sight, out of mind, I guess. And what we have right now is working. _We have what we have when we have it_.”

Sam was silent, “I don’t think she would react like you think she would. I see how you two look at each other. The way you look at her? That’s mirrored in her. But hey, you do you. I’m just here to pull your head out of your ass if you muck it up.”

“Thanks, Sam.” A beat or two, “I got to go. See you later!”

“Bring me some of those donuts, too!” Sam called to his retreating back.

* * *

Steve came back with enough donuts for the team since he believed that Nat and Sam probably would just wolf down whatever he brought back. Might as well share these donuts with the rest of the group. Wanda and Vision were in the kitchen when he stashed the donuts away. They were making _kholodets_ , and said that it would be ready for dinner.

Steve once tried to cook for the team, but what he managed to cook was only slightly edible, and from that day, either Wanda or Sam took over the kitchen. Vision helps with Wanda whenever she cooks, and the android seems to like understanding the various chemical reactions that happen when they’re in the kitchen.

Vision was trying to explain the Maillard reaction to Wanda as they sautéed the meat. Wanda was smiling, but it was clear that she didn’t understand what Vision was saying.

“Hey, Steve, good morning. What do you have there?” Wanda asked as soon as he caught sight of him.

“Donuts from Jojo’s down the Hudson. Want one? These are all for us to share by the way,” he said.

“Donuts,” Vision intoned. “Wanda, did you know that donuts were once called olykoeks by the Dutch?” The AI went on about the history of donuts, and Wanda shot him a “please help” look. He mouthed “sorry” to her and escaped with a smaller bag of donuts for Natasha.

“Captain-“ Vision called out to him, but he was quick enough to close the elevator doors. He felt a bit bad closing the doors on Vision like that, but Nat was probably hungry by now. There was quite a line back in the diner, and he had ordered a rather substantial amount of donuts.

He was right. The moment he opened his doors, the paper bag was snatched out of his hands.

Natasha took a donut and bit in. Her eyes rolled back, and she gave a somewhat scandalous (and exaggerated, for his benefit most likely) moan. “God, this is so good,” she said. “You were gone for a bit. Was there a long line at the diner?”

“Yep, and now we have to change because Tony will be here in an hour,” Steve told her and gave her a sound kiss.

It was supposed to be a quick one, but like everything with Natasha, it got deeper and more passionate. She dropped the bag on the counter, and Steve lifted her on it. As they broke off for air, Steve peppered kisses down her jaw and neck. Natasha moaned, insistently pressing against his hardening cock, and grabbed his head to yank him back to her lips. Her hands cupped him, and Steve released a strained groan. She slowly drags her hand up and down, mimicking the motions that make him go crazy for her.

Steve broke the kiss off, and hurriedly untied Nat’s robe. The robe fell off, leaving her in that small teddy that she wore only to mess with Steve. He palmed her breasts in his hands and squeezed them, eliciting another moan from Natasha.

“Steve,” Natasha whimpered, “please.”

Steve kissed her again, and insistent hands were on his shorts and yanked them down, revealing his hard, aching cock.

“How do you want it, Nat? Tell me how you want me to fuck you,” Steve murmured in her hair. “Tell me how you want me.”

“Now. Please. _Now,”_ Natasha all but begged.

Steve gave Natasha another kiss before he yanked the flimsy material down her waist. He trailed wet kisses down her chest and softly bit Natasha’s breast. She gasped and flinched but held his head there. “Easy, I’m a bit sensitive there,” Nat whined. Steve let up some pressure, but rather than staying there, he had another thing on his mind. “Lay back,” Steve commanded. Natasha raised her brows. He knows that she likes it _very_ much when he uses what she calls his Captain America voice. It’s not often that he uses it because _of course_ even in sex, Steve Rogers is the perfect gentleman. It is fun to push him, though.

“I’m not asking twice,” Steve growled and _God, oh God, did that turn her on._ She leaned back and kept her eyes on Steve. “Spread your legs, Romanoff. Let me see how wet you are.” She was dripping. Steve runs his hands over her curves, and he clenches her legs open. Her eyes closed and _God_ , “Steve, please, I need you inside me,” Nat squirmed.

“Not yet, I think I’ll be having my breakfast now,” Steve replied. Nat inwardly chuckled because that was a corny line, but all her thoughts went out the window when Steve slowly licked her. He circled his tongue on her clit and sucked. Her body bowed with the sensations, and she felt his fingers slide inside her.. He curled his fingers and stroked just the right spot. Stars danced behind Nat’s eyes. The combination of it was too much, and after a few more seconds, she fell over the edge. Her legs clamped over Steve’s head, riding her high. She collected her breath and saw Steve’s shit-eating grin on his face?

“Done?” he asked. _No. not by a long shot, Rogers._

She sat up and kissed Steve, tasting her come on his lips. It was a heady feeling, and it turned her on more than she can say. She wrapped her arms around Steve and pushed, making the supersoldier step back. She was on her knees in a second. “My turn,” she smirked and closed her full, lush lips on the head of his cock. Steve threw his head back and gripped the counter for support. _Goddamnit_. He felt his knees go weak, and Natasha grabbed his perfect butt and took him whole. He skyrocketed. He was nearly there, but he wants to finish inside her. Too bad Natasha doesn’t seem interested in letting up anytime soon, though. She always knows how to quickly drive him to the edge, and he has a sneaking suspicion that she likes using it on him anytime they have a disagreement. He falls for it hook, line, and sinker. 

“Nat, I’m close,” he warns her, grabbing her head with his other hand. Just when everything is about to break, she stops. _Wha-?_

Nat hooks her leg under Steve’s legs, and he falls to the carpeted floor. “We’re not done yet, Captain,” she says as she straddles him. She rolls her hips and slowly rubs herself over the underside of his cock, teasing him and making his grip on her hips tighten. “ _Nat,”_ he says huskily. She finally acquiesces to his unspoken request and lines herself with his cock. When it did, she sank down on him entirely.

Nat thinks that there is nothing better in this world than Steve sinking inside her for the first time. They both stopped, breaths heavy, savoring the feel of the first thrust inside. Nat eventually moved, rolling her hips in an angle and maintaining a steady pace. Steve’s hands on her hips guided her and supported her movements, and it wasn’t long until she was back up that cliff again.

Panting, Nat gave a short cry when Steve’s fingers touched her clit. “Come for me, Nat,” Steve gritted out, “I wanna see you come. Come with me so I can come, too, Nat.”

Natasha was losing the battle. Steve’s thrusts became harder and harder, and his face was set in concentration in getting her off. “Steve!” Natasha cried out as she came, but Steve was still relentless. Steve prolonged her high by still pumping into her and kissed her hard.

He pulled out of her, and the sudden emptiness caused Natasha to cry out in protest, but suddenly, Steve wasn’t under her, but instead _behind_ her. She doesn’t usually care for this position because she is more exposed this way (and Steve doesn’t too because he can’t see her face), but Steve’s cock plunging back into her silenced her protests. He still can’t get over how it turns him on to see Natasha vulnerable like this. It was a privilege, and something that she willingly gave her; no pretenses, no lies.

“Nat, Nat, God, yes…” Steve chanted like a madman. “You’re so fucking wet and so fucking tight.” Nat’s answer is just another pleasured moan, urging Steve to go faster. It was building up again inside of her, even quicker this time. “Harder. I need it harder, Steve,” Natasha said. The sounds they made were utterly lewd and lecherous, and on a good day, even Natasha would wince, but this was something primal that happened between them.

“Eyes forward, Nat,” Steve said. “Look at yourself while I’m fucking you.” _Oh. So this is why he positioned me like this._ A full-length mirror was three feet away from her, and she can see the outline of Steve’s body and how he moved behind her. Sweat glistened on his body, droplets sluicing down his flushed skin. Their eyes met in the mirror, and it was over. Both of them cried out, falling together this time.

Steve bent over Nat’s back, holding her close and breathing on her neck. After a while, he softened enough, and he stood up to go to the bathroom. Returning with a towel, he gently cleaned up after them. Natasha was still catching her breath, lying in a puddle on the floor. Steve scooped her up, and together he sat them down his couch. He kissed her forehead, “I wasn’t too rough on you, was I?”

It was sweet of him to ask. Despite their differences in stature and strength, Natasha has always trusted Steve – in battle and in the bedroom, it doesn’t matter. He would never hurt her. She knew that.

“Of course not. I liked that. You being a little rough,” Natasha cupped his face and reached up to give him a sweet kiss.

A knock disturbed the little bubble they had. “Steve, Tony’s here. He’s setting up the Avengers-inator,” Clint’s voice said. “Tell Natasha to stop corrupting you and actually let you test the obstacle course. I’m excited to try it, but Tony wants Steve to go first. As a control, he said.”

Nat has been giggling the entire time Clint was talking. Steve’s face was a little panicked, they barely had time to have breakfast by the time he got into his apartment, but they got sidetracked, so there really was _no_ time now.

“Ten minutes, Clint!” Nat called out. She pushed Steve away but immediately held to the arm of the sofa. “Whoa,” wobbling more for Steve rather than balance. As expected, Steve’s hands went out to steady her. “Don’t think we have time to eat those donuts, but we do need to shower. Come on, Captain. Never let it be said that I’m holding you back,” she grinned.

* * *

The Avenger-inator ( _God, what a stupid name_ ) was a thing of beauty. A 250-m long simulator, it was a gauntlet filled with tests that challenged their prowess, agility, and mental planning precisely like they were in a mission.

The first time they tried this, Steve finished it within under a minute. Tony reasoned that the course should, _at the very least_ , make Steve work for it ( _With no consideration for the more human among them. Like her, and Clint, and Sam_ ). Since then, Tony has made it his life’s work to make the courses more complicated and more challenging. In this fifth reiteration, Steve earned a record time of 4 minutes and 42 seconds.

_Not bad._

She was up next, and as she finished her last donut and taken a swig of coffee, a sweating Steve came near her.

“How was it?” she asked, curious to see how he did.

“I think Tony is getting the hang of this thing. A few more iterations and I might just feel a bit breathless,” Steve said cheekily.

“Show-off,” a nearly passed out Clint and Sam chorused. Clint opened his eyes from where he was lying on the grass. “My arms and my sides are sore like crazy from the sim guns, and this asshole here just looks like he came back from a run,” he complained.

Tony heard them, and even he sounds like he was winded. “Your turn, Red. Feel free to start anytime. If you can knock Steve’s time down a peg or two, I would name my firstborn after you,” his mechanical voice said.

The screen above the course lit up green. Nat stood gazing at the entrance of the course, mentally mapping where corners could come in useful, and targets. _I can do this._ She breathed deeply. Once. Twice.

The bell rang.

She ran as fast as she could, sliding on a corner before taking out a target and moving on to the second. Seeing a suspended bar, she used it to topple the incoming sims and took out a bunch more with a few well-placed shots. Seconds passed, and she finally passed the first phase of the course. She could hear faint cheers, and that spurred her on. If there was one thing the other guys lacked, it was being fast and agile. Sure, they’re not too bad, but Natasha was the best in this.

Just as she turned around for the next bend, she felt faint and about to throw up.

That one moment of pause cost her, and she felt something throw her off. The second phase was more difficult because she had to navigate the terrain as well as taking out the sims, and she mistakenly stepped on a trap. It opened under her and caused her to slip. She tried to get up, but the room was still spinning around her. This part of the course was not well-lit, which added to her nausea because the flashing lights of the sims got nearer. She managed to take one down, but then another wave of dizziness hit her. She fumbled for the “STOP” button in her wrist, and the room immediately lit up, and a door to her right opened. She quickly went through it and into the fresh air outside.

“Nat! Are you okay?”

“Tasha!”

She bent over and threw up her breakfast. The rest of the team came nearer, but she held up her hand to ward them off.

“Did she hit her head?” Sam asked Tony. A hologram appeared above Iron Man’s arm, reviewing the footage. “No, I don’t think so. She just slipped, but she did not hit her head.” Tony answered

Strong hands held back her braided hair and rubbed her back. “Hey, it’s okay,” Steve said. Clint came over with a glass of water that Nat gratefully drank. “Thanks,” she slurred. “I’m fine. Just a little dizzy. Should’ve had a proper breakfast,” she tried to joke.

Steve’s brow furrowed. “Nat, you’ve been lethargic and sick. Do you think this is something else?”

“I can’t be sick Rogers, I’m also enhanced like you.” Nat snapped. Really she was fine and getting better by the second. She just needed fresh air. Steve looked hurt at her tone, but she wasn’t really in the mood to console him.

“Capsicle’s right, Red. Maybe you should go see Banner?” Tony hedged. If looks could kill, Tony Stark would be dead right now, “or maybe not,” he amended.

Just as sudden as it came, it passed, too. Aside from the bitter taste of bile in her mouth, there was no proof she was sick.

“I’m fine,” she repeated. She stood straight, Steve still looking at her worriedly as he assisted her, and for some reason, it irritated her much. “I’m going inside,” she said and shrugged off Steve’s hold.

“I’ll come with you!” Wanda said. “I don’t really want to try out Stark’s machine,” she confided in Nat. She felt grateful for how the other woman was trying to distract her. “Do you want to come with me to the kitchen? Vis and I are preparing dinner, but I want to check on it,” Wanda narrated.

Nat grimaced at the thought of staying up. Her lethargy seems to have come back, and though she did not want to be rude to Wanda, she really couldn’t stay up. “I’m sorry, Wanda, but I think I need to go to bed right now. I’m still a little faint,” she apologized.

There was something in Wanda’s eyes, and after a beat, she agreed. “Of course. I’ll walk you to your room.”

“It’s not necessary. I can do it,” Nat countered.

“I’d feel better if I see you resting, Nat. You took quite a fall back there,” Wanda answered.

Natasha didn’t have the heart to deny the young woman twice. She wanted to go back to Steve’s bed, but she thought better of it. So far, she thinks Wanda already knows about her and Steve anyhow. Her room with soft, muted lighting sounds good right now for her.

After Wanda escorted her to her rooms and made sure she was okay, Natasha turned in her bed thinking. _Why am I so tired these days?_ Her concentration is also not synchronized, and she is slow to pick things up sometimes. _Could I have caught a bug somewhere, and I’m sick?_ That was less likely, but not impossible. The Red Room serum is nowhere near Steve’s, but it was pretty powerful, too. She can only recount two instances that she had been seriously sick, and both those times she had been okay after a few days.

_I’ll give this a week then I'm seeing Bruce._

Natasha closed her eyes and drifted off.

* * *

When she awoke, arms were around her. _Steve._ She turned to look at him, and his blue eyes looked unhappy.

“Hey,” she said.

“Hey, yourself,” he told her.

They were just content staring into each other’s eyes before Steve broke the ice.

“You’re not fine,” he stated.

“I am. I’m fine now,” she reassured him.

His face was still pinched in worry, and she smoothed his forehead with her fingers. “Hey, I’m fine. I promise you that. I may just have caught a bug somewhere during our overseas mission,” she said. “Even though I’m enhanced, my serum is not as good as yours, Rogers. Yours is almost infallible.”

“But you still can get sick. And sick people give their body time to rest and recover,” he maintained. She sees that he isn’t going to let go of this, so she sighs.

“What time is it already?” she asked him. “It’s 8:30 in the evening, Nat. You’ve been asleep for almost 9 hours,” Steve told her. That _surprised_ her. “I thought I was just out for an hour or two,” she said lightly.

Steve was silent. She can see that those blue eyes have now become a stormy blue, pupils dilated. “I was worried,” Steve declared, “I was worried that something bad happened to you during the simulation. I could only see you through a screen, and I wasn’t sure if you were injured or not.”

“I’m fine now,” was all she could respond. Steve’s hold on her tightened as if assuring himself that she really was there.

“Well, if I’m sick, do you wanna be my nursemaid?” Nat asked him.

Steve’s eyes widened. It was not every day that Natasha bares herself to him and let him take care of her. He nodded and sat-up. “Stay here,” he said. Nat wondered where he went, but after a minute or two, he was back, holding a tray with a steaming cup of soup and some bread.

“You didn’t have any lunch or dinner, and you threw up your breakfast, so I cooked some soup for you. Well, Wanda did, but I helped chop the carrots! I was just waiting for you to wake up.” Steve said embarrassedly. He set down the food tray beside the bed and fluffed some pillows for Natasha so she can sit up.

“I’m not that sick, Rogers,” she said, eyebrow raised.

“I know, but humor me, please?” Steve pleaded. _Well, how can I say no to that?_

“Fine. But I’m milking this for all it’s worth,” she warned.

“Deal,” Steve said brightly. Once he had Nat arranged, he set the food tray on her lap. “Would it be too much if I spoonfed you?” he teased. Nat glared at him playfully, and he backed off, hands raised.

“Maybe we can make it a movie night. We still have not finished _The Last Five Years_ ,” Steve said.

If anyone told her that Natasha was a fan of Broadway musicals a year ago, he would’ve laughed in their faces. Now though, he was discovering things he never thought he could about her.

“Of course, but only if you finish your dinner,” Steve said bossily.

After the last drop of soup was consumed, they moved to Nat’s couch, and Steve made sure to cover her with a blanket, effectively making her a human burrito. She would’ve complained about it had it not been for the look in Steve’s face and his determination in taking care of her.

_I love you._

The thought had been sitting on her mind for a while now, but she can’t bring to say it out loud. Not yet. But whenever he did things like this for her, being so charming and so thoughtful, she thought she might just let it slip.

But no, the right time will come.

Steve’s arms were on her hips, and he was gently stroking her hair. Her head was on his lap, and she was very comfortable. So comfortable in fact that when the opening notes of “Shiksa Goddess” started, her eyes were closed.

“Nat? Are we going to finish the movie?” Steve asked, amused.

“Yep. Let me close my eyes. Just five minutes,” she murmured, already half in Morpheus’s arms.

Steve snickered.

“Okay, five more minutes.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cue dramatic gasp*
> 
> What could be bothering Nat? And isn't nurse!Steve the cutest? Stay tuned for part 2.
> 
> Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! ♥️


End file.
